2023 Update

 Lol 'my next monthly update' dragged for 22 months HAHHAHA

Ok so It's been over 1.5 year since I actually started working? I started my first day in late June ish, which is like 3-4 months after the blog and all the dilemma of choosing. 

In the end, I accepted both the 3rd interview I went (which is the second company) because mainly I feel like having a friend I know in the workplace sounds better, and the future prospects of the job seems better too, just that I (at that time) was very reluctant of stepping into this field .

But yeah, the job scope turns out to be quite different from what it asked for and more like what I'm good at - like just more coding and analysis and Front end UI etc. And the 'friend I know back then' turns out to be a very close friend of mine right now, plus I have been working from home with like only back to office twice a month ish, ideal environment, because I hate stucking in the traffic just to go to work. It's just that the manager is abit uhm yi yan nan jing and the salary increment is pretty slow and low. Weak economy, the company decides to cut everyone's bonuses. But overall, the perks stiiiiiillllll overcome the bad, so I'm still somehow staying around so far. 

Oh and I've even started doing masters. Just finished my 2nd and also my 2nd last semester last week, should be graduating in this July / Aug if everything goes according to planned. It well was an impromptu decision. Basically cuz my close friend + best colleague + best partner in crime wanted to do PhD due to some existential crisis (ahah), and me, in the name of accompanying her to find a good PhD supervisor, somehow came across this Masters programme where you can work in the day and study at night, with a cheap price, a decent uni reputation and within a short time (1.5y). I find it a good trade for a Master degree (+ it's a degree in the field I'm working in) so I just tag along lmao. Well, it was still a decent decision now that I'm 60% towards completing it.

It's 1220am right now and I should sleep for tmr's work :D Let's see when do I do my spontaneous 'monthly' update again haha nights. 

April Update

It has been a month and I have gone through hmm, 7 interviews in total. Iirc, I've only submitted CV to two companies, the second company had lol 6 different managers interviewing me (just flexing that my CV is attractive enough eheh). The questions are from the same company are somewhat repetitive that somehow at some point I could just predict what was going to be asked next. Well out of all, I did the 1st most terribly (that's to be expected). The 5th one was the most difficult one compared to all. 5th manager was someone who have really read through my whole CV and prepared questions targeting my CV. And asked tons of hypothetical + opinion based questions that you could not have prepared beforehand. 

As for the results of those interviews, the 2nd one gave me an offered which I rejected haha (due to the working location). Actually, I rejected the 3rd, 6th during the interview itself due to location issues as well. The 5th actually said was interested in offering me (despite I think i did quite badly), but had not gotten the approval to offer me, and it has been 3 weeks since them trying to get the 'approval'. Although the job scope of the 5th is something I have prior experience in, but uhm well because I have experience in it thus I do know how much I disliked it cough. I personally like the job scope of the 3rd interview I had but they did not seem to be interested into hiring me sobs. 

Then after all this long, the 1st interview actually called me to give me an offer. (I normally get offered for those interviews I think I did badly???) Funnily, the company of the 1st interview is the only company different from the other 6 interviews. So, if they have had given me the offer earlier, I don't even have to go through all the other 6 interviews bruh. Well, honestly the second company provided better benefits, a slight higher salary too ( since it's a bigger company). Location wise it's fine. Job scope wise, it will be something I've never learnt in my university hahahha, which is the same case with the 2nd, 3rd, 6th, 7th too. My hometown is just situated in a place where the degree I'm studying is not really related with what is needed in the 'market', but nevertheless they still need computer science peeps.

So well, till today, at least I do have some job offers. It's just that the metaphor where you have to pick a pebble from the river, but you can only hold onto a pebble once, and you cannot pick back the pebbles once you have discarded them. Im pretty sure the one I have now in hand is not the 'prettiest' pebble I could have had out there, but meanwhile I might not encounter any better pebbles after this. Haih. 

Well, my next monthly update shall reveal path have I chosen.

Random procrastination post

 Im having my second job interview tmr, but Im also lazy to continue preparing for it.

My first interview I was super unprepared. Having no idea there will be a technical test, I gg-R.I.P-ed myself. Well surprisingly, the company's HR did call me a week after the interview, asking about details for my academic result. Not sure if that's considered a 'offer', but well at least it's not too bad.

Well, as for this upcoming interview, I uh spent a whole afternoon looking up for random technical questions here and there, and still think I will make a fool out of myself tmr. Really dont have the confidence lol, but I kinda cease to care for it any further. 

Imo, being a CEO is a job, being a toilet cleaner is job as well. I don't really care about salary since ahem I'm just a kid XD. My family doesnt really need my pitiful salary to maintain our current lifestyle anyway. 

Due to my 'hmm not bad quite above average' academic results, others usually assumed I must have wanted to be 'successful' since I worked hard to get good grades. But on the contrary, I don't find satisfaction in being 'successful' in the typical earn-lots-of-money or being-famous-as-a-professional way. I am just very contented with what I have now, and I don't even mind having lesser than what I have now (but not too less haha). 

But really, Ive put a lot of thought on how I want my future to be. The above is really the conclusion I came to. That's also why I rejected a PhD offer from my supervisor, did not even bother to apply for a PhD scholarship. Because I really do not see the purpose of doing so. I know i disappointed my parents for doing postgraduate but I can't just do something just to fulfill other's expectations right? 

Well anyways, I guess, Im just finding excuses for my laziness eheh.

Random Update

Uhm, it's been a while. Writing this feels really cringe. It's like you're writing in a tone as if you're talking to someone but the reality is no one might actually read this, well not exactly, my future self will read this and cringe herself out again. 

Continuation of last post

The last post was a very dramatic post about not knowing which university I will go to and which path I would actually take. I was being all depressed that I might be sent out overseas straight away and far out from my comfort zone. And now? I'm already doing my final year thesis LOL. Well, it turned out that I totally overestimated myself back then, and I ended in the comfort zone I wanted (5 hours drive away from home, and with people I know). To some people who have never lived abroad, it might still sound 'uncomfortable', but in comparison with living overseas when you hadn't even turned 18, it's comfortable enough. 

So, back to the 3 years since then, I've met quite a few people, started a degree that was almost completely unrelated with what I've learnt through my high school, gone through, well, quite terrible shits, but not too bad cause I've overcome them anyway. I've even forced myself to really gone to the 'uncomfort' zone I meant three years ago -- went exchange to a place 10 thousand km away from home, with 7 hours timezone difference, a total different weather, with barely any friends for a year (supposedly a year if it weren't for some virus outbreak).When I say 'force myself', I certainly do mean it. 

Current Situation

Now, well, due to some virus outbreak again, I will have to spend the half of my last uni life at home! I cant tell if I actually preferred to stay at home or back to the 5 hours away place, for a nerd like me probably more at home, but I'm feeling quite sentimental to not being able to spend more time in the uni since it is my last year anyway. 

Okay, I'm tired off talking to myself. Logging off now.

One of my biggest event in 2017

Yesterday was like the official conclusion for my 11 years of study. Fortunately, it was pretty good, it topped my expectations but with a little bit of imperfections. Yea, i didn't get a straight, but I'm satisfied with it. Only that, I may have let some of my teachers down.

Anyhow, I didnt seem to be overjoyed like many others expected me to be. How can I be happy when I now gained even more burden than ever? Now, I have bigger upper-hand, but accompanying with greater expectations, and also enormous stress. I am now expected to save 400k-500k for my parents, which I hardly think I have the ability to do so. Backing down and choosing a decent university which I label it as my comfort zone would be just a cowardice act, a selfish thought.

Yes, I do realize I am lacking confidence, or having any crumbles of it. I am always not the on-stage kind of person, debate no, public speaking no .

The more I type, the more I feel like I'm whining like a useless puppy. Argh. I never felt so dissatisfied of myself.

I might be the only person who would get depression on getting flying colours haha.    

Post #15

My friend asked me about how my holidays are going so I replied this to her email, I lazy to re type so I might as well copy n paste it.

---------
Wake up-iPad-breakfast-my new cat (lapsapmi which means dirty things)-anime-lunch-anime-drawing-cat-anime-MOBA(multiplayer online battle arena,DoTA like game) (if wifi allows)-dinner- tuition(if got)-anime-novels(perhaps)-blogging(if I remember) -sleep

Everyday I woke up at 10. I planned to wake up at 7 before the holidays, but just... Too lazy. Haha. And I planned to change my sleeping habit from 12 to 11 or even better 10. Now, it became 2... Sighs. 

I wanted to take up a sport or just exercise, which is interesting and i don't have to go out from my house and I can do it like anywhere I want. Pei jiin suggested dancing, like what Ching Ching has been doing. I looked up for dancing tutorials (break dance to be exact, I just clicked for the most viewed one) at YouTube and tried to learn. And I have to admit, I have zero talent on it and so I gave up after the first try. Teehee. So any other suggestions? Haha.

I even had this stupid idea of training 马甲线(I don't know how should I call it in English) ever since last year. Muscles beside your abs or something like that. Then,pei jiin mentioned that Ching Ching was training on it and I tried to do that again. And again of course I searched for ways at google and YouTube, and did it, but all the hell I get were arm pains, leg pains, neck pains and even knee pains. And seriously I think it didn't work at all, so I gave up ( again) on the next day. Actually, I wanted to ask Ching Ching on how she did it but I gave up on that idea of having abs at the first place. First thing, I don't see the need of training so hard just to admire on my belly on my own ( I'm not wearing a bikini or going to be a model ) second thing, if once I had it, that means I have to maintain it. So that just means = more training=more pain =more deadlines=more stress. And I concluded that for my own mental health in the future where more crazy subjects will be added and senior-year and plus sweet 16 year, I shall not do this kind of 吃力不讨好 Job.

Worst of all is, it had just been two weeks and I almost finished all my animes!! Not a surprise since I was like a 8 episode per day mode... I felt like I rested enough and ready to go. But go where? I dunno.
Second worst of all is, my tuitions never stopped... And there're even new ones like friggin hell. Currently, they are tues, weds,fri and sat. ( English, physics, chemi, add maths and art) starting from next year, my only free day will be Monday, and I have to attend two classes on Saturday.
I go to our school's CS Wong for physic and chemi, and first impression on him: tall, second: OMG he speaks so 娘! 
Third worst, pei jiin and I will have to go back to school at around middle of December. For PKK duty, and for the whole week each morning.

And sadly, my wifi was so terrible these days!! I can't play my MOBA game as usual, it will at least disconnect 2 times per game. I played Vainglory, new game this mid 2014, nice graphics, small map, less characters.  Bing saw me playing and she seemed disappointed, well yeah can't blame her after all, because all I do is RUN when the enemy comes. (Even if it means abandoning my teammate to die) LOL. Never die was kinda my motto. Well of course, if my health was pretty full and I had the higher chance of winning, I'll never run. It can be played on tablets only so yeah... Tell me if you're playing? Btw, I've tried to install another MOBA iPad game, which appears to be older, and my bad wifi is holding me back.

And another thing, I'm going to hatyai next Saturday. (The last time I went was like 1 year ago? Last time I used to go there for about twice each year, so... ) Pei jiin said she's going too around that time, I wondered if I could meet her there... 

Plus, I will be going with a bunch of kids! (Not really.) there sure will be fussy kids though. Just my father's friend's family.  And I wondered if there will be wifi, good one especially. Or else, I should just download one hell of ebooks to read during there.

Post #14

This post is about HOW UNCOOL AM I, AND HOW NOT COOL I WANT TO BE. Went to a bar for like the first time.

At first we had dinner at oh sushi, straits quay. There were me, bing and Jen and our mothers as well.

We're trying to chat and some guy who sat with same table with us ( my mom's friend's son) just suddenly spoke:" aren't you guys going to introduce yourselves? "

We all stopped and stared at him awkwardly. Because for seriously, I took him as air. And I expected him to ignore us too. I mean this is how it always goes, isn't it.

Jen started introducing herself, and followed by bing and I do it half-heartedly, not even trying to make him remember him anyway. 

He looks like 18 or something. Wears a cap. ( I remember some scientific data said that people who wears a cap are weirdos,so I took him as one) and Typical guys are usually like, nah I wont speak to girls. Plus, I've been to a all girl's school for like 3 years, so truthfully speaking I have lost the ability to chat to males I don't know. And plus, we're different species.

It's like, after the introducing he asked who's the coolest guy in your school or who's the coolest girl in your school. Like hell I care. I'm definitely not the coolest, nor I do even tried to compare. Imma kinda nerdy girl who stays in the background reading my manga or watching my anime. I dun care. I dun make-up, hate malls and shopping or branded things and had no interest in boys.( btw, I've always been suspecting myself for being a lesbian, since many quizzes show that my brain somehow functions too manly) So,cool-people-get-the-hell-far-away-from-me, you're germs. After meeting that guy, I finally understand that I hate 'cool ' people, because I'm the opposite from them. 

He's actually the same age with us, I couldn't believe it. And, He's from a friggin international school, that's how he became so not typical. And so not me. I mean he's the kind who wears a cap, who shops a mall, who likes to do selfie, who likes to talk to girls? So, international school will definitely be a big hell no for me. I will die of suffocating!!!! AIR of GERMS!!!! I might buy a dozen of boxes of air refresher if I had to study in one hell school of that.

I've seen one post that shows two albums. One full of selfies, one full of anime pictures. And these two groups seemed to hate each other. IT IS EPIC TRUE.

He somehow forced us(me and bing, when Jen was onto her phone and got us kidnapped away by a man) to walk the mall with him. He mumbles and I can't hear a word of him speaking. Plus, I'm not quite comfortable in speaking English so, I ignored him the whole way. Even if I can finally understand him, I act as if I've heard nothing. (Ignore-cool-guys-mode ON) I was so bored. Walked through the mall about twice, and I couldn't remember which shop I've entered before. He kept talking to bing, and I was like NOooooT-INnnTTEERRrreeesttttedddd and walked a zombie. ( he said we're lifeless) and like hell I believed when he said he was worried about me. He said that I was shy, yeah perhaps. I don't like you that's it. It wasn't about his personality, he's carefree, cheerful and looks normal. It'just you're not the same being with me and I don't want to be friends with you. I can be so mean, isn't I?

Back to my first experience in my bar. I drank two glasses of Apple cider with 4.5% alcohol and it tasted like jolly shandy. Sweet and sour and bitter at the end, not bad. Jen was almost drunk, she got herself flushed. I was a bit not uncomfortable with my head but it didn't really affect me so I think I might be imagining it or something.

Btw, this is a long post.

Post #13

My first physic and chemistry tuition

I've always said I liked physic than chemistry or biology. However, I'm not very sure.

Today, the things taught were not so hard, more of a repetition and deeper into what I'd learnt last year.

Physic could be a little more challenging than chemistry though.

I remembered that there' some topic about atoms, molecules and ions. The teacher told us that atoms are alone, molecules have two non-metals together, ions have two non and metals together. So I copied down, and wrote in brackets atoms( old lonely man), molecules ( BL--gay,boys love ) and ions (BG--normal, boy girl ). Then the next minute, he suddenly told us a way to remember them, and it was exactly what I just wrote!! I wondered for a second if he could read my mind.

The teacher kept saying Ok Da? He's a teacher from my school. He's the tallest of all in my school, about 180 I guess? Plus, he sounds pretty sissy.

Because I sat on the first row, my conversation with Patricia hardly lasted for 5 seconds. That's cruel!!

Btw, today's MAMA. My friend whom I carpool with said that he hate to miss it because of tuition. And I was more like, uh huh I had no idea that you're on the Korean side. 

Post #11

We had a family reunion dinner last night. My aunt and her family came from KL, bringing her daughter, Abigial(my cousin) too. Yeah, the same person who I would be marrying to in my dreams. 

The dinner was held at Ocean Green. As the name suggested, the restaurant was really by the sea, but the ocean wasn't green and geographically say it couldn't be categorized as ocean as u can see the mainlands over the horizons.

The food was pretty nice. I had some sour sweet yellow jelly fried chicken pieces ( sorry I forgot the names), sour salty spicy steamed fish, and two vegetables that I didn't touch so I had no idea how they tasted and big prawns with orangish sweet sauce. ( I am very poor in describing food I know.)

Now into the point. My another cousin sis Evon decided to take groupie's( is that how you call selfie in groups?) there were four of us, all girls. Abigial as the eldest, I'm second, Evon's third and Elise was the last. Abigial's 17, I'm 15, Evon's 13 and Elise's 6. we had our timer on. Then i just felt like capturing a photo of sand in the mid air. So I splashed sand when the timer was on 1. And who the hell would know the Elise would suddenly appeared in front of the camera and let the sand all fell on her? She didn't seem to mind and splashed sand back to me countless of times for pay back. Well, I was such a kind and useless cousin sister that I just let her do what she wanted.

Then when Elise's mum found out. She seemed to be angry. She kept ticking of sand off her daughter's hair. Evon accused me of doing that purposely. I tried to explain. She did not respond and she did not even look at me. I tried to bring up that there was sand on my head too because of Elise. And yet, Elise's mum just kept her silence. It was really ticking me off that time. It was a total accident! What about when Elise did the same thing to me PURPOSELY and MANY TIMES. It was frigging so unfair. And the friggin Evon too. Arshhhhh. If I tell this to my mum, she would definitely say that I was overthinking it or I was whining at small little things. 

I HATE TO HAVE A VERY SMALL COUSIN SISTER. 

First thing, the age gap was so big and I seriously got nothing to chat with her.

Second thing, I would always be responsible for everything she did and anything that happened on her.

Third thing, I couldn't scold her or hit her because she's friggin someone else's daughter.

The best question I've answered was when I was about 5. My mother asked me if I wanted a younger sibling. And I answered NO. 

Skipped 2 days Post #3

I accompanied my mum for physio yesterday. We waited for at least an hour until it was her turn. I brought a novel I read halfway there and I finished it within an hour. Then I wasted another hour while waiting my mum to finish her physio. 

Well, my mum got her crystal out of position. I mean crystal in the semicircular canals in our ears which control our balancing. She suffered from dizziness every time she slant her head, in any way. So, she can only let her head upright. She couldn't even lay down! Imagine her sitting while sleeping. 

Today, in the morning at school, we were forced to listen a silly talk about what career should you choose and know yourself better stuff. It shows that I am RAE, realistic, artistic and entreprising. This is completely useless. Because when the quiz was given, I can totally control which category I wanted to be! It didn't mean that I wasn't truthful when I answered, it was because almost every time the question asked me to rate something from 1-5 I can give 85% of the answers as 3. 

Every thing seem ok to me. I just hate music and like art. Basically the rest are fine. 

Then, RAE. Realistic seems very useless indeed. Art is a way too challenging for me and I prefer to play safe. And for someone who is playing safe, Enterprising is definitely a no. 

The other traits are Invesitgative, Convensional and social.

 I like investigating for fun but not for life. I don't like the idea of investigating something unknown, no limit. Who knows maybe until you die you still do not manage to research anything out? It feels like the sea, wide and bottomless, leaving me breathless.

 Conventional looks like a decent one. However, It suits my character, but it does not fit my ability. I'm the careless one who can mislook a whole ten mark in an exam paper. 

Social? Me?? You must be kidding. I am a nerd ( though my close friends keep denying it like I know why, but I really do think I am,only Bing says I am anti-social.) I hate to go out. I hate to talk to someone I am not close with. It's tiring. To get myself to get a good relationship with my friends, I once forced myself to hang out with the group of girls which they talk the topics I am not really interested in. Shopping in boring malls, looking at nothing, forever watching them from the border of the circle , comparing the coldness of my ice cream to the loneliness I felt.  And seriously, I am sick of doing that. It's really meaningless. It's not that I did get a good relationship after months of my 'hard work'. So, I retreat back to my own circle of comfort. To the girls I meant : no, I don't hate you and don't be mad at me. I just think you guys are boring like how boring you guys think of me. We don't match, that's all. We can still chat, but it definitely depends on the topic we are onto. (Wow, this paragraph do seem gloomy.)

Day 2

Actually I was thinking of using Chinese to type instead. Or else my Chinese will rot, but typing Chinese is really annoying. So I shall not change. And I just added 3 lines of nonsense. Yay!

Today, is really a boring day. I literally spend my whole day with my iPad. Well, almost, except for times I went for my art class and to eat or to the toilet. 

So, let's just talk about how I feel then. It was like finally the days I dreamt for, days after the exam and days before the holidays. Before the exams, I had plenty of things to do. I made a to-do-list and I actually filled it up until 25. But when The time actually comes, I will be like singing : " Today I don't feel like doing anything~ wooooohoho~" EVERY day. Typical holiday mood, as how I call it last year. It is an annual disease and there is no cure to it. symptoms: being lazy every year end and regret it every start of the year and start to dream about it for the whole year. There is no end to the cycle!!!

My to-do-list:

1) Drawing: I have 2 birthday presents to draw, and many many more. 

2) Anime : as usual, but there's just too many and I don't know which to start from... The ones I stopped last year? Last season? This season's new updates? Or old and epic ones? I hate to choose so I end up giving up duh!

3) Novels. I borrowed some books from my friend and I ought to return them in this month.

4) Ocarina. A type of flute that looks like a ball? Well mine is duck shape though.

I got this from my cousin sis as my birthday present this year. I find it quite challenging as I don't know how to make it sound good while I do FAs and even higher notes. I wanted to learn the theme song of Laputa. ( an anime movie )

5) Comic fiesta. There is a real size one this year end in KL. I felt like going because my friends I met from Facebook are going~ Plus, as an otaku, I know that I am really fail to have not even one book of comic, posters, figures, keychains, nor other anime peripheral products. I am even fail to have only visited a comic fiesta mini once, and even worse—with my parents, the worst of all—bumped into a friend of mine. I don't even dare to buy anything or wait for the cosplayers to show up on stage. It's very fail, but at least I had once breathe in the air of a comic fiesta.

And you know what, I had no idea where the exact spot is the comic fiesta. So, after we found a place to park at a high carpark, I dialed my friends number to ask. While asking, I was walking down from the carpark. Through the phone, I couldn't hear my friend clearly as it was really noisy. I asked how to get inside the comic fiesta, and she seemed to not know how to say, then she passed it to another friend, which I knew. Then the second friend told me just go ground floor and bla bla bla. So I continued walking to the ground floor, with my parents. Without noticing, we were already in the comic fiesta. We actually skipped the main entrance where a long queue of people were buying tickets to enter. So, we went in for free... I ended up feeling guilty watching every one wearing a wristband and not me and my parents. That was why I did not enjoy the fiesta at all. It was really packed in there. My parents kept saying that no one would notice us. And of course no one would notice me, but they would notice you two!! I hundred percent bet that they were the oldest of all in the fiesta... Then, I hurriedly went back. In the car, I texted my friend who told me the place. Weirdly, she replied : Who are you? I was wondering, why didn't she save my phone after I called her. I asked. Then she replied : I lent my phone to some senior just now. I did not receive your phone call. ——— SHOCK! The whole time I was talking to some stranger?

6) Listen to music. I had a serious project going on the next year, Bing you know what I meant. Haha.

7) I plan to revise for next year. But I really doubt myself for actually doing that.

8) Lyrics. I want to learn all my Japanese songs!! SHOOSE~

9) Digital art. I had special pen which I can draw on iPad as my birthday present. That pen was a 100 over. The main thing is, I don't know how to use it well. Below is my latest attempt. I actually spent two hours over this small head...

10) Blogging: which is what I am doing now..

There are still many more but I guess I will save it for next post!

The whole new chapter begins now

 This is another random blog post of mine.

First of all, I will have to speak about the reason of my blogging as usual. This time it is because of a challenge to blog everyday until 2015—not to mention that I was somehow forced to accept the challenge to accompany someone who have no patience in doing anything, which basically means 7 weeks or 49 days. Studies show that one can make something a habit if they do it for 21 days. Well, I don't believe it. I have been buried under my textbooks for more than one month before today( today is the last day of my friggin examination, hooray!) , but I don't think I have got that habit of memorizing textbooks.

Secondly, choose a decent topic to discuss. 

Nah, I will just make a hell report of what I have done today. After school, I take lunch at my granny's house as usual. I had no appetite and ended up wasting half of my bowl. I feel guilty alright. I really could not help myself. The rice was overcooked, and I was still under pressure of my stupid exam. I felt like vomiting N times every time I had my exams. I checked the symptoms of being stressed and it seems that being pregnant-like is a very rare one. I should be optimistic and be glad that I am SOOOOO special. 

Then, I went back home. Tried to start a new random novel which the setting is in a friggin outer space and some random guy lost his virginity because of alcohol. The future like setting annoys me but I guess I will give it another shot? 

Then, my mother brought me to Tesco to buy fruits and tidbits( for praying purposes, yeah no kidding we offer tidbits to our gods.) We bumped into a friend of my mum's whose son is the same age with me. They chatted about which tuition class is better and stuff. I was amazed that the aunty actually knew my ranks from our school's magazine, because that particular page is very not attention seeking. And by the way she gave my mum a tip on beauty that her son uses. Tomato juice. She emphasized on how SMOOTH her son's face is. I was like   "Yes I am girl and I have a face full of pimple scars. I DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HOW FRIGGING SMOOTH YOUR SON'S FACE IS. Hell no tomatoes. Not to even think about blending the slimy seeds into grossing juice. I had never tasted any vegetable juice before and I will never." My mother bought me an McDonald sundae to celebrate the end of exams. green apple flavored. And that's not the point. I licked the whole way back to home. 

I reached home to find my brother using my iPad. He liked a game that I installed. Vainglory. A very DoTA like game. Well, I enjoy playing it as well. I would prefer Vainglory over DoTA because I can play Vainglory without using our old PC. And it is easier to play. For beginners like me. The art is quite good I suppose. Some of the skills are really flashy. He play and I watch. This is a rare chance because he never let me watch him play DoTA. Well, I suppose this is because he is using MY iPad after all. He consider the old PC as his.

Then, it's dinner. I finally get back my appetite. My mother cooked potato in soup, fried meat piece with egg and diced onions( a way to force me eat vegetables, if you consider onion as one) then a new recipe. Crab sauce on tofu. I like the crab sauce ( sauce which usually goes with crab, looks orangey, sweet and sour ) the way it goes with tofu is unexpectedly not bad.

After that, I spent my time on FB and I start housekeeping my books as I promised before. I am now currently like middle school to high school. The textbooks are all not useable and I will have to give all my books away.

I went downstairs to get myself a drink, but I ended up getting caught of a movie my mom is watching. Cloud atlas. Seriously, I don't get the storyline. Sorry for being low in IQ. By the way, the Chinese clone 

Speaks too "CHIM" for me. While I was processing the first sentence, she had already started the third one....

And now, I am writing this blog. I am surprised that I was able to write this long.

the post after the 88th one

This post is the 89th post,well u see.
The reason I've not been posting is that I would like the number of my posts to be stucked at 88 forever.
Seriously, you won't take that as real,would you?
The reason is pretty obvious which is just because I'm lazy.
My friends keeps nagging me to update, not that I don't have anything to write, just that my PC had a little problem whenever I tried to type one, (unable to use PC was an excuse when I had an iPad....well why excuse couldn't be a reason?) yet still I ended up using laptop. After not updating for 3 weeks even though it's holiday/

My holiday isn't really a holiday when I have tuition classes to attend every week. None of them stopped at the same time! Some at November some at the last two weeks of holiday which is now. 
I've been not watching pretty much anime compared to last year's year end. I just don't feel like watching and stick to reading mangas. I liked short stories that don't chew up that much emotions of mine better.

I started a few new interests though. Like drawing seriously( not like how I used to take a paper and draw an eye or a chin or strands of hair that kind, starting to draw whole body and backgrounds and even colouring it sometimes)

The other one is watching PewDiePie plays horror games. I don't have the guts to play it myself
, nor do I have the quota to download the game. It's pretty much a habbit. I guess it's because I always watch my brother play.
 I started it when my friend wanted me to draw Ib and Garry (from the japanese game called Ib) as a birthday present. I decided that that I couldn't draw them if I don't know their personalities or relationships are. So I searched for the gameplay at YouTube, and there I found Pewds~Brofist!LOL After finishing Ib, I check out Pewds's OutLast~
OutLast's really cool. And those LMAO moments when he shouts at something that jumps out at him. His hatred toward BARRELS. I usually skip the "confidential, not anymore" documents part so I don't understand how it ends, so I have to check other's reviews to finally get it.
Now I'm watching his The Walking Dead Season 2 where he plays as Clemy! I've seen my brother played Season 1 episode 1 only. But I was pretty lazy to watch episode2 to 5. The part Clemy sews her injuries herself was just Omigosh. I really couldn't be a surgeon in the future.

The third interest is playing Luv Letter by DJ Oawari. My cousin got a second handed keyboard, so both of us learned to play it ourselves. I play the right she plays the left, we're not even halfway done though. I hope we could finish this piece someday and continue with DJ Okawari's another piece which I liked it better. Flower Dance. Flower Dance seems way harder than Luv Letter though.

I planned to do this and that and yet I always don't feel like doing any of it. Typical holiday mood.
Lazing here and there. Stares at the clock as the seconds tick by.Yet, I am not bored at all. How I just wished my everyday could just pass like that. It didn't seems like I enjoy my holiday to the fullest is it?

A night at my grandma's

My parents went for a holiday at Setiawan on a one day trip planned by my neighborhood. Seriously, We had moved in to that house for seven years yet we only knew a few families who's staying next to us only. They decided to take that chance and meet our neighbors... Expecting it to be boring I decline to go. They went early in the morning. I wasn't allowed to stay at home alone. My brother is not as nerdy as me and he will definitely not stay at home with me. So, without a choice I had to go to my  grandma's house.

So here I am now. At my grandma house. I was here since yesterday night so I don't have to wake up so early ( the time as my parents are going to the trip) I actually spent the whole night in my cousin's room. Evon her name is.

Reading her shoujo manga that she doesn't want to read(it's in Chinese.. I just flip through and surprisingly manage to finish 6 books) eating her sticky, playing her new hand phone (breaking her high scores of course, my favourite thing to do). That game was something like feeding a poop like thing to make poop. Evon said that she competing with her friend. see how many poops your poop like thing could make.  I also played her iPad. A game called 节奏大师( if you translate it directly, it's called Rythm Master). I tried playing it before but failed to sign up... It requires wechat account or QQ account... Bing would say:" FAIL~"

She's 12 now and she's getting her UPSR results this Thursday. She doesn't seem to worry about her results.. I got some competition on this Thursday too. Some alam sekitar thingy. At USM. Not like I've prepared anything though. Bing's on the same team with me so I think I don't have to worry. Hah.

She got some fashion glasses with no lenses. I tried wearing it. It was those big one and it was supposed to be cute. But no matter cute it was, I can always make it serious on me. Not going to post those horrible looking photos here for sure. Evon keep laughing at me that I looked like a teacher. She got a pink teddy( given by her boyfriend my aunt said, now that she read this already she was begging me to delete this) and a brown bunny on her bed. It was soft and I ended up punching their heads. It feels good. And Evon took a video of me torturing her soft toys. Below this was only a pic though... And also this is my first time exposing my face on my blog aaaaa

Plans can never keep up with changes -2

Wednesday, I hanged out with my friends at a supermarket.
Yes, a supermarket. Tesco to be exact.
Hang outs are supposed to be in shopping malls, watching movies, Karaokes and stuff.
Not buying groceries...
It was really awkward to find 7 girls chatting and pushing the trolley.
That was really the first time for me to buy groceries in a supermarket and pushing trolleys with a bunch of friends. A very new experience indeed.
It was for our school's canteen day. We are going to sell fries,sausages and a few more just lazy to state out.

Short plans

Our planner there Nicole~ listed out what to buy and how many to buy. But when we really go and buy, we made a lot of changes.. For example how much/many fries are we going to sell? Nicole planned 38kg.. And at the end we only bought 6. We were discussing like mad over the amount of fries. There were 2 gangs. One the optimistic ones. Who think we should buy more because they were confident to be able to sell them all. The other the pessimistic ones. Who were worried about what to do if the fries couldn't sell as good as they might be. Well, I was in the pessimistic group. Thinking that even 3kg was enough. The optimistic ones suggesting that we should buy at least 10kg. Well, Nicole didn't go because of some transport problems. All of us were thinking how angry will she be if she found out we made so much changes from her plan... 

And skip skip the 5kg or 3kg oil, the cheaper or better sauces , buying mustard or not, and we even added a new food to our menu, which is garlic bread. It's all because the 7 or us just loved garlic breads. And agree that garlic bread is a must. ( of course we were influenced by the low cost of garlic breads) 

Then we had pizza as tea. Love Extra cheese ~

Nightmares: Leave and Deaths

I usually don't remember my dreams. when I remember them, they are mostly weird and logicless dreams.
But these few days I kept having bad dreams, and it seems to have gotten worse and worse every time.
The first dream I had is on that day my friend left.
I dreamt myself of having to transfer schools to Singapore. ( Forced by parents) Exactly how my friend was. Just that my friend she wanted to go there, not forced.But I can now feel how bad it is having to leave your friends behind and walk into a brand new environment. it's terrible. I remembered that I was angry and sad at the same time. My tears were in my eyes, hot. I had a hard time stopping them from flowing down my cheeks.( in my dreams I mean)

the second dream is way more scarier than the first one.
it was just a few days after the uproarious getting bus crash.
I dreamt of going home by a bus, and it was a really rainy day.
The bus was driving pretty fast even when going down a slope.
beside me, sits Bing. And around me sit my good friends, and even my aunty driver who drives me home every day. I suppose it's a school trip.
Bing and I noticed that many of the passengers are standing near the exit.
Wanting the driver to open the door and let them out. they were all squishing and arguing .
it seems that something bad's going to happen. bing noticed.
Why not let's go out ourselves? She pointed to the emergency exit at about a foot's reach.
I replied that maybe it's not something that important, why don't we just wait for awhile and see how things are going.
she shrugged.
then after a few seconds of thinking, I opened the emergency exit behind me and went out without bing.
And also assuming that she will follow behind me.
the door was kinda small, I managed to squeeze out thankfully.
The raindrops hit on me painfully. the winds seemed to be blowing me away.
The cars were quite many on this side so I climbed to the other side of the bus.
I closed my eyes and had a deep breath and I leaped to the grass.
I lost conscious afterwards.
When I awoke,  I remembered seeing kinda many people and cars all at the roadside.
I managed to recognize some of them, They were the bus passengers. And those where surrounding them might be their family. I couldn't find Bing anywhere. the whole bus was not to be seen either.
I had totally no idea what is going on.
Slowly, I tried to stand up. An intense pain shot through my left hand. my left hand was all bloody.
Regardless my injured left hand, I tried to look around for Bing.
I saw my aunty driver.
She told me that the bus lost control in a sharp turning and drove into a swamp. due to the heavy rain and the high tides, the water was 6 meter high. No one in the bus managed to survive, including Bing.
there were 30deaths and only 14 survivors(which were the ones who managed to jump out from the bus in time). I was one of the14 and Bing was one of the 30.
I froze in disbelief. bing should have been jumped right after I jumped!
but maybe she didn't even get to go out for the emergency door,...
I should have told her I was going to jump. I should have jumped with her!
I should have decided immediately that we should just leave when Bing suggested to leave!
I murdered Bing. it was all my fault.
I don't know how much time passed when my parents finally came.
they took me to the swamp.Where the bus sank.
6 meters. It was just 6 meters. Why... why! why !!
I cried. Not just for bing, even for SQ, for pei jiin who also die..d.. And so many many more...
It was all my fault.
Water was not to be underestimated.Was it?
when I awoke from my dreams, I was so relieved. that it was just a dream.

The third dream.
This one is not that clear as the previous two.
but this shook me more.
my mother, died of illness.
she choked her heart out into pieces...( I know it's really gore here, but it did go like that)
CPR couldn't do any help. To a person who lost her heart.
tears flow out in just a second.
I can't think of living in the days, without my mother.
Every thing in the house reminds me of her.
her closet, the kitchen and the tidiness of our house.
This dream was so short and blur.
But it fears me the most.
I demanded a hug from my mother when I woke up. Eyes red and wet.
Whenever I think about my mother's death (even in my dreams,) I cry.
I was already crying right now.. Just typing a few sentences.
I was so glad my mom's still here. I couldn't think of how can I live if my mom really did leave me for real and for good.

I wasn't aware that there were the times when they will leave me. Not until I had these dreams.
TO those blogwalkers or anyone who just came across to read this post of mine, PLEASE just treasure these moments you share with your family and your friends because no one can be sure when they would leave or maybe when will you leave them.

Went to the mall (Correction : A Nerd went to the mall)

I reached at the place where Florence said we were going to meet.
And I see no one so I decided to call Florence.
Just then, I found I've forgotten to save her contacts. SHIT.
And just then, I received an anonymous and unknown( of cuz it's unknown since it's already anonymous duh) message saying: when u will reach n something like that.
Guessing that it might be Florence, I sent that I'd already arrive.
later, that mysterious person called.
Me:" Hello..."
X:" Eh, where are you?"
Thank god it's Florence after all.
She told me to go to MNG.
I don't know where's MNG.
She told it's near The Coffeebean.
I don't know where's The Coffeebean either.
She told me to find ESPRIT.
The place I only know is PUMA which is just beside me!
I mean like WTF how the heck I would know what's where? North? West? South?
The last time I've been to that mall is last year!
And the last time I've been to a mall is this February when ther's a books on clearance sale on.
She told me to walk left.
Finally, she's not giving me alien languages anymore.
And I don't know how, I just got my damned phone hung.
 it's a Nokia 5800(I think. It looks somewhat the same.)
And of course, I lost her contacts again. Sigh.
Then we waited for another two girls. Rebecca and Shun Yi.
Later we searched for lunch because Florence and I hadn't had breakfast YET. (I know it's unhealthy but...)
We decided to dine in at Dave's what again??
Anyway, the main thing is I found Bing who was said to be arriving at an hour later with her parents there.
Bing was chewing on a chicken wing.
And we ate ate ate and waited for friends.
Then we went hunting for sentimental gifts.
We searched through Forever 21,Uniqlo, Esprit,MNG and stuff. I can't really remember.
And I couldn't believe I'd spent hours shopping. The old me would have been the happiest when I was FORCED to accompany my mother and I finally found a chair in a shoe shop.
And It's not like that I've changed though. Well, It's my friends this time. Not my mum.
I nearly got lost countless of times.Cause I always ended up wandering on my own.
Well, you can say I just don't really have eyes on what they like.
They just be like OMG on a random shirt with a really OMG price . I've got odd tastes I suppose.
Later, we had dessert in Haegen Dazs. Seriously,this is my first time eating something so expensive with my own money.
Then we went to a kids something shop. And Florence bought a lot.
She's like when she's paying  'Hey what's that? Nice? Ok. This one too"
OMG. DID YOU EVEN CHECK DAT PRICE.
Sry. I am really nerdy here.
Finally, they finally one Tee which looks good and so is the price tag.
3 for 50.  Thank god. Something I could afford.

Looks like this. Ok this is my first few attempts of taking photos of myself. I ended up cropping up my face away again. Pity yeah?

It's been a while

It's the erm Summer holidays? (malaysia doesn't have summer though..)

Anyway, it's holiday!

And it's going to end.

My birthday was the first day of holiday. 3rd of August if you don't know.

Here's my birthday cake!

It's about 6 cm diameter so I just ate the whole thing myself wakakaka

And of cuz, I DIY that yogurt cake a little bit. candles and the sign...

Florence, a friend I just met this year called me to update.

Well, since I'd mentioned her, I'll introduce her to you!

She's girly and a little steam(at first haha)

I liked her bold attitude at the first few weeks of the year.

What did you call that? Love at first sight. LOL kidding

Tmr, we're going to Queensbay together! With Bing of course.

I suddenly remembered one day,  Florence asked me if I were a girly girl or a tomboy?

And my another friend replied for me :" Of course she's a girl!!"

And seriously, I was kinda hurt.

All the time I'd been wanting to be a tomboy. no, really not tomboy but just tomboyish.

So, when I were to be called as a girl, I felt like being slapped. ( Metaphors!!!Metaphors!!)

And I suppose I just ended up being a mixture. Which is not that bad.

Tomboy or not it is just a noun..  Be myself! ;) But lately.. I find myself close to a nerd. (Otaku) AHHHH HELP ME.

I drew  this in a few months

Bumped on my Forehead

<replay>
Me,Bing and Jen sitting together in a tuition class that has not yet started.
Me: "Hey, You know SQ just had a new watch! You have to press a button to look for the time!"
Jen: "Oh! I've seen that kind of watch before."
Bing:" Eh, remember to tell her that it's not allowed to bring that kind of watch to school."
Me: (Pointing Bing's turqoise mechanical pencil on the table) "Hers this colour.Turqoise.Turqoise"
(The mechinical pencil's dropping)
(Fall into the space between my knee and Bing's knee, but still it dropped anyway)
Bing: "Fail~"
Me: "Duh"
(Bends down to pick the mechanical pencil. )
"BUMP!"
(Eventually, I bumped my forehead onto the table.)
Bing :"Wahahaha EPIC FAIL"
Jen :" Are you Ok? What's your name?"
(Then I laughed to tears..HAHHAHA)
Bing :" Do you 4 cats??"
(Still Laughing and crying)HAHAHAHA
Jen: " You have 2 brothers right?"
( (Still Laughing and crying)HAHAHAHA
Bing:" You got the Hundredth in whole form right?"
(Shooked my head, I got the 10th damn it! HAHAHAHAH)
Jen: "How high is Bing's percentage?"
Me: "92!"HAHAHAHHAHA
Bing:" She can only remember things about results only.. HAHA"
<and lots lots of questions they asked..>
Teacher :" What happend?"
Jen : " She knocked her head!"
Teacher :" Ayo, Song Ning a.. You Ok ma?"
(Still laughing and unable to stop so I just give her an"OK" sign)
It actually hurts a lot... And Jen and Bing continue asking question, wondering if I've lost my memory...hahaha

Today, my right eyebrown was swollen and red...
I couldn't even frown///// LOL HAHAHAHA
I must be nuts ///// HAHAHAHHAHAH

Wednesdays

Gonna post it really short.

Well, it's a typical wednesday today.
And I don't like wednesdays because there are the days on the middle of the week.
I don't like the lessons on Wednesdays either.
Especially Science, they made me sick.
Not really the subject,
But the lab we have to be in,
but the teacher we have to be listenning to.
And Wednesday is not a tuition-free day.
Meaning I've got a tuition after school.

June's already ending.
That's real fast, weeks past away meaninglessly.
Should I do something?
Yea, perhaps.