I usually don't remember my dreams. when I remember them, they are mostly weird and logicless dreams.
But these few days I kept having bad dreams, and it seems to have gotten worse and worse every time.
The first dream I had is on that day my friend left.
I dreamt myself of having to transfer schools to Singapore. ( Forced by parents) Exactly how my friend was. Just that my friend she wanted to go there, not forced.But I can now feel how bad it is having to leave your friends behind and walk into a brand new environment. it's terrible. I remembered that I was angry and sad at the same time. My tears were in my eyes, hot. I had a hard time stopping them from flowing down my cheeks.( in my dreams I mean)
the second dream is way more scarier than the first one.
it was just a few days after the uproarious getting bus crash.
I dreamt of going home by a bus, and it was a really rainy day.
The bus was driving pretty fast even when going down a slope.
beside me, sits Bing. And around me sit my good friends, and even my aunty driver who drives me home every day. I suppose it's a school trip.
Bing and I noticed that many of the passengers are standing near the exit.
Wanting the driver to open the door and let them out. they were all squishing and arguing .
it seems that something bad's going to happen. bing noticed.
Why not let's go out ourselves? She pointed to the emergency exit at about a foot's reach.
I replied that maybe it's not something that important, why don't we just wait for awhile and see how things are going.
she shrugged.
then after a few seconds of thinking, I opened the emergency exit behind me and went out without bing.
And also assuming that she will follow behind me.
the door was kinda small, I managed to squeeze out thankfully.
The raindrops hit on me painfully. the winds seemed to be blowing me away.
The cars were quite many on this side so I climbed to the other side of the bus.
I closed my eyes and had a deep breath and I leaped to the grass.
I lost conscious afterwards.
When I awoke, I remembered seeing kinda many people and cars all at the roadside.
I managed to recognize some of them, They were the bus passengers. And those where surrounding them might be their family. I couldn't find Bing anywhere. the whole bus was not to be seen either.
I had totally no idea what is going on.
Slowly, I tried to stand up. An intense pain shot through my left hand. my left hand was all bloody.
Regardless my injured left hand, I tried to look around for Bing.
I saw my aunty driver.
She told me that the bus lost control in a sharp turning and drove into a swamp. due to the heavy rain and the high tides, the water was 6 meter high. No one in the bus managed to survive, including Bing.
there were 30deaths and only 14 survivors(which were the ones who managed to jump out from the bus in time). I was one of the14 and Bing was one of the 30.
I froze in disbelief. bing should have been jumped right after I jumped!
but maybe she didn't even get to go out for the emergency door,...
I should have told her I was going to jump. I should have jumped with her!
I should have decided immediately that we should just leave when Bing suggested to leave!
I murdered Bing. it was all my fault.
I don't know how much time passed when my parents finally came.
they took me to the swamp.Where the bus sank.
6 meters. It was just 6 meters. Why... why! why !!
I cried. Not just for bing, even for SQ, for pei jiin who also die..d.. And so many many more...
It was all my fault.
Water was not to be underestimated.Was it?
when I awoke from my dreams, I was so relieved. that it was just a dream.
The third dream.
This one is not that clear as the previous two.
but this shook me more.
my mother, died of illness.
she choked her heart out into pieces...( I know it's really gore here, but it did go like that)
CPR couldn't do any help. To a person who lost her heart.
tears flow out in just a second.
I can't think of living in the days, without my mother.
Every thing in the house reminds me of her.
her closet, the kitchen and the tidiness of our house.
This dream was so short and blur.
But it fears me the most.
I demanded a hug from my mother when I woke up. Eyes red and wet.
Whenever I think about my mother's death (even in my dreams,) I cry.
I was already crying right now.. Just typing a few sentences.
I was so glad my mom's still here. I couldn't think of how can I live if my mom really did leave me for real and for good.
I wasn't aware that there were the times when they will leave me. Not until I had these dreams.
TO those blogwalkers or anyone who just came across to read this post of mine, PLEASE just treasure these moments you share with your family and your friends because no one can be sure when they would leave or maybe when will you leave them.
